One part of interning I never thought I'd love so much was being anonymous. I no longer stick out. While I'm the only one here who works with a drive, wearing a personally designed suit that was tailored and quietest out side of co workers, no one even knows I am alive. I'm no longer someone people hide from, like I was consulting. I haven't had to raise my voice here once, nor did I expect a disgruntled employee to swing on me. Down side is I am not paid as well nor are all the shots mine to call.

I like where I'm working and want the best for it, so I wish I had a play book to wield. Alas, life of the intern.

I surrendered my work Aristocracy to jump on the farm so to speak. It's not that bad here, but I do remember the perks I have surrendered. Some distaste still sits in me thought. My boss has never done anything, I don't mean that in an overly slanderous way, I mean I cut my section of the rock out, he's always gild along and he's wanting more but won't apply for it.

I can't picture being middle class my whole life, both on a social and fiscal meaning. I would much rather be socially high class and dead broke, much like I am now. I've seen all 3 walks of life in my short years. It's a real balancing act, they all have ups and downs.

Tangent aside I really like being off the map. This is nothing new, but many would feel cut off or not cared about, I'm thrilled when work can't figure who I am or I don't show up in databases. (sure it's a hassle getting corp discounts though) but the only person who has to like and know me is my boss to review me well. The company might not know who I am but my boss does and he'll put in the good word come the end of the internship.

I'm just dust blowing in the wind, and it seems to be a greatly relaxed style of life vs how things were before where I couldn't get my mail with out knowing half of the people and a convo from someone, and I was a shut in! I mean I know and care greatly for my friends and keep in touch, but I do on my terms, my friends all understand I don't do some things and I'm a work before play kind of guy, it's just who I am no different then I also have brown hair. If people don't like that they can get another friend, and some have. So it goes.

With all this sliding along, I worried my drive to finish my PHD open another company travel the world would sink, it has taken a hit to be honest. I wanted to wait tables (off books since I can't during internship) I don't need the money but I want to keep busy. I haven't, I did something though and have become a gym rat and read. I kept doing something and it makes me wonder, did goals just change from work being life to work being part of life? That would have explained how no longer even a tight wad like myself put money as second tier.

I wonder, with what I used to make I could work maybe 2-3 months a year, and goof around the rest. Would that appeal to me now after being in the relaxed middle class? I hope not, but if that's what makes me happy down the line why not.

I really have taken on all the walks of life at this point and I just don't see any way to take any with out some big down sides or mixing them. I guess that's a major cause for unhappiness on the world, people think things will make life better, only way to make life better is look inside your self and see what you want. Gotta be adult enough to say I don't know as well, that is rarely seen.

I'm happy enough day for day and chugging along for my MBA so I'll just keep trying to find out.