One thing that comes with age is assurance in yourself at least we all strive for it and work towards this.

I know I don't doubt myself or double guess myself as much as I did. Yet doubt still crawls into my mind, more often then I'd like to think about.

What is amusing out of my skin about it, what I doubt now are the things I know are the best and most right for me.

Staying in school, working for myself, staying single, living under my means.

But such simple and major issues are what I tend to doubt now more then minor things like maybe I should have went with the ribeye or, this isn't my favorite shampoo but it is on sale...

I feel at utter ease on those things that should be a stresser to me, no matter how minor. Yet I seem to wonder should I really be finishing grad school? Let's base it on facts, I'm going to one of the best schools in the country, on a full scholarship. I'm doing rather well, I love what I'm doing. I'm meeting great people, love my campus learn so much. Yet sometimes I just wonder is this smart for me?

What finishing grad school will get me, time in a major company as an intern as it's part of my degree a work study, more education in a field I love, a Masters degree, maybe another scholarship to my Dr. Maybe my internship will score me a sweet job, or contacts for my own firm.

Why do I doubt this? What could be in my head making me wonder? I just used the school example because it's so cut and dry.

My theory is my mind is playing with me, I do love being a student but, in some ways maybe it's just buying into cultural pressure I feel like that's all I am, I'm just some kid running a company on the side but just a kid at the end of the day. Personally if I had a billion dollars I'd always be learning instead of working, no matter how much I enjoy my job and the help I give people.

Maybe it's pent up feelings of my distaste for my current area, and want for a change? I have lived in this area for 21 years now. While it's a great area, it's not for me. I don't care for the great schools or public services, I don't use them. *thankfully never needed EMS but our fire companies are top notch* The roads are junk taxes high.

I don't think these minor problems would make me want to drop out of school.

Perhaps it's just the feeling of being locked in? Once I'm done college I can up move anywhere any time and do what ever when ever? A schedule isn't the worst thing on earth but nothing like finishing a project at 3am just cause you can.

Could it be since I've placed a reward to myself of moving out of this area when I'm done school? Some where in the Carolinas, Virginia not *NoVa*, or even back to Germany.

I just find it strange how such simple positives now in my life are what I think about the most, compared to me who's so lucky my biggest life choice now is paper or plastic. I wouldn't even rule that out maybe guilt as some of my friends are having harder times in life, and I have everything going for me.

Well, just another rambling like normal